I booked the ticket

I booked the ticket on a Tuesday at 11:42 in the morning while eating a piece of toast that had gone cold. I did not consult anyone. I did not look at the calendar twice. I clicked the button and then I sat there with the toast and watched a confirmation arrive in my inbox like a small obedient animal.

For twenty minutes I felt nothing. Then I felt everything, in the wrong order. I laughed first, which was strange because I had not been planning to. Then I got nervous, which made more sense. Then I got hungry, which is what I usually feel when I have done something I can't take back.

I told one friend. She said good. She said it the way you say good to a dog who has finally figured out the door. I love her for that. I love that she did not ask what I was running from. I love that she understood the riot of it, that small upper-case yes you give yourself when you have been polite for too long.